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April 6

The Ultimate Guide To Healthy Self Esteem

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Did you know that 85% of people suffer from low self-esteem?

That means only 15% of people have healthy self-esteem in their lives.

I’m sure you’ll agree that those are truly insane stats!

I’m also guessing that, since you’re reading this guide, you’re one of those 85%, but you want to be in the 15%, right?

Well, good news.

That’s 100% possible and, in this ultimate guide, I’m going to show you how to create and build healthy self-esteem in your life. 

Now, this is going to be a pretty comprehensive guide on everything to do with self-esteem.

So, if you want to skip ahead to the parts most relevant to you, then you can check out the Table of Contents below.

Or, if you want a change of pace, you can check out the video version of this blog post here:

Navigating The Guide

But, I highly encourage you to read the whole post through to get the best value.

Throughout this guide, I’m going to be sharing with you my personal journey through low self-esteem. We’re going to discuss the causes of low self-esteem, what it actually is and how you can overcome it. 

My hope is that this guide will help you to become the person you’ve always wanted to become.

So, prepare yourself because this guide will change your life – if you let it.

Guide To Healthy Self-Esteem PinGuide To Healthy Self-Esteem Pin

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Part 1: What Is Self-Esteem?

Guide to Healthy Self Esteem Part 1Guide to Healthy Self Esteem Part 1

Before we get into everything, let’s get an idea of what self-esteem is and what it isn’t.

The dictionary definition of self-esteem is “confidence in your own worth or abilities” which isn’t really that helpful.

So, let’s try this definition instead:

Self-esteem is a set of positive or negative beliefs we hold about ourselves and our self-worth.

That’s a little bit more straightforward, so let’s continue.

The Two Types of Self-Esteem

Self-esteem sits on a broad scale from low to high and that’s how we talk about it most of the time.

We say that a person has either “high self-esteem” or “low self-esteem”.

But, is that actually the case?

Because though we can agree that too little self-esteem can leave people feeling beaten down and depressed about life, high self-esteem might be just as bad.

High self-esteem can lead to having a very narcissistic personality and that’s no good either.

Both of these extremes can lead to poor choices, self-destruction and other emotionally damaging consequences.

So, what we want to achieve instead is genuine self-esteem and this means finding a nice mid-high balance.

We’ll call this Healthy Self-Esteem.

What Is Healthy Self-Esteem?

Healthy self-esteem involves holding a positive, but realistic view of yourself.

Just like low self-esteem, it is a personality trait which is made up of various beliefs, thoughts and feelings about yourself.

This can include:

  • Living In The Present – not excessively worrying about your past or future but learning from the past and planning for the future.
  • Empathy – sensitivity to the feelings and needs of others.
  • Living By Your Values – but also being ready to change them when experience shows a better way.
  • Not Fearing Rejection – because the reality is that you will be rejected in life sometimes.
  • Ability To Say No To Others – when you believe it is appropriate to do so.
  • Recognising Personal Strengths and Weaknesses – accepting them, but also being willing to work on them.
  • And Much More…

Healthy self-esteem is a goal that everyone strives for – whether it is conscious or unconscious.

What About Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem is pretty much the exact opposite of healthy self-esteem.

If healthy self-esteem is about holding a positive but realistic view of yourself, then low self-esteem is about holding a negative, unrealistic view about yourself or being unable to form a positive, realistic view of yourself.

When you are suffering from low self-esteem, then you perceive yourself as having little value or worth.

That should explain why low self-esteem is one of the main contributing factors for depression according to psychologists.

Low self-esteem is often characterised by:

  • Heavy Self-Criticism
  • Inability To Take External Criticism
  • Inability To Take Compliments
  • Indeciveness and Fear of Mistakes
  • People-Pleasing
  • Perfectionism
  • Dwelling On Past Mistakes
  • Resentment of Others
  • Can’t See Past Temporary Setbacks
  • Pessimism
  • Feeling Inferior
  • Self-Blame

When you’re suffering from low self-esteem, then you might find yourself depending on the approval of others for your own sense of worth.

Or, you might estimate your worth based on whether or not you succeed.

In any case, a lack of self-esteem can often be bundled up into one core belief about the self:

“I’m not good enough.”

Is Having Healthy Self-Esteem Really That Important?

I’m pretty sure I’ve always had big dreams.

I wanted to be rich, famous, successful and all the other good stuff.

I knew this was what I wanted, yet I never did anything about it.

Why?

Because deep down, I thought that I was a worthless human being who didn’t deserve anything, let alone the best things in life.

My lack of self-esteem kept me from even considering how I could become everything that I wanted to be.

That’s why developing healthy self-esteem is so important.

Self-esteem is a really good predictor of how we’ll end up in life.

Psychologists have used it to predict academic achievement, happiness, successful or unsuccessful relationships and even criminal behaviour.

This is because our self-esteem shows us how we view ourselves and our sense of personal wort.

Self-esteem affects everything about our lives: how we think, how we act and how we find our place in the world with others.

In Abraham Maslow’s famous Hierarchy of Needs, Esteem is the final level before self-actualisation – becoming all that we can become. 

What this means is that, unless we develop healthy levels of esteem in our lives through self-respect – and slightly less importantly, respect from others – then we cannot even start to work on our desire to become everything we’ve ever wanted to be.

Without healthy self-esteem, none of us can achieve our goals and live the life of our dreams.

Self-Esteem and Confidence

So, what about confidence?

Well, confidence is a set of behaviours and beliefs based on the core belief that we are a person of value.

As you know, low self-esteem means seeing ourselves as having little or no worth at all.

Put simply, we can’t walk the walk or talk the talk if we feel terrible about ourselves on the inside.

I struggled to make friends and forms bonds for most of my life because I didn’t believe I held any value. I couldn’t see what I was bringing to the table because I thought I was worthless.

But, the more I learned to see myself with positive regard, the easier I found it to make connections in the world.

It’s what made me the confident man I am today.

By addressing self-esteem and changing the way we think about ourselves, we are giving ourselves a foundation on which to build our confidence beliefs.

Part 2: What Causes Low Self-Esteem?

Guide to Healthy Self Esteem Part 2Guide to Healthy Self Esteem Part 2

OK, first things first, I need to provide a disclaimer.

Low self-esteem can be caused by any number or combination of factors. As I am not a psychologist and because I don’t know your personal circumstances, I can’t tell you exactly what causes your personal levels of self-esteem.

So, if you’re really interested in knowing how it all came to be, then I highly recommend you seek out a therapist or counsellor to help you.

Knowledge is power. So, knowing what caused you to have whatever level of self-esteem can really help you.

Anyway, let’s jump into the main causes of low self-esteem.

Story: Where It All Began

I was raised in an extremely religious family.

We would go to church at least 3 times a week and, since I was homeschooled, religion formed the centre of my education throughout my childhood.

From a very early age, I was made to understand the story of Original Sin – how Adam & Eve kicked off all the bad stuff in the world – and how I was inherently a sinner, through no choice of my own.

Daily I was reminded that I wasn’t worth God’s love.

When I got old enough to start asking questions – mainly about how unfair it all was, I was always shut down. I was often labelled a troublemaker by the church authorities.

So, by the age of ten, I had things pretty well figured out.

I was born bad and I would always be bad, there was no changing that because everyone was the same.

Being curious and asking questions was also a sin, so I had to keep my mouth shut and never disagree.

Added to that was the fact that my father was a part of the church hierarchy. So, there was a lot of pressure on me and my siblings to be perfect.

So, unknown to me, I formed a belief in my mind.

That belief was that I was worthless and would never be good enough to be loved.

It would stick with me throughout my childhood, my teenage years and well into my 20s.

How Self-Esteem Forms In Childhood

Now, I’m not sharing my story for sympathy points. With experience (and an excellent therapist), I was able to get past all of that and be who I am now.

But, it’s a great example of how we form beliefs about ourselves as children. Those beliefs then form our self-esteem.

When we are exposed to highly critical parents or authority figures, constant ridicule, teasing and more, this starts to shape us.

Childhood Criticism Can Damage Self-EsteemChildhood Criticism Can Damage Self-Esteem

The same thing happens when we are expected to be perfect all the time.

As kids, we just want to have fun and experience the world. But these kinds of negative experiences can quickly form negative beliefs about ourselves and the world.

These beliefs can then potentially define our whole lives.

That’s why TV psychiatrists are always interested in their patient’s childhood – though it’s probably just being nosy as well.

A Quick Note On Trauma

Low self-esteem can also be caused by childhood trauma and abuse.

I don’t consider myself to be qualified to go into detail on this particular subject.

Trauma and abuse are best dealt with by a psychological professional like a therapist or counsellor.

How Our Teenage Years Shape Our Self-Esteem

Adolescence is one of the hardest thing for teenagers and young people to go through.

There are big changes, new feelings and emotions all happening at the same time.

Everyone goes through it and almost everyone agrees that it sucks.

But, those years also are instrumental in forming our lasting self-esteem.

Poor academic achievement compared to our peers, bad social experiences such as being bullied or socially outcast, unsuccessful friendships and relationships, and loneliness and rejection can all bundle together to chip away at whatever healthy self-esteem a person has.

Our teenage years are where we start to discover who we are in the big, wide world.

And as we all know, sometimes we don’t like what we find.

So I guess the old saying really is true: high school never ends.

Story: The New Kid On The Block

I was homeschooled until I was fifteen.

My parents did a pretty good job of educating me and my siblings – especially when we started getting away from the regular church environment. But, we needed to have a future and we couldn’t do that without qualifications.

So, I achieved my dream at the time and was put into a real school.

There was just one problem:

Up until then, I hadn’t had any real social experiences outside of the church.

It turns out, when you believe everyone outside of the church is evil, you don’t make a lot of friends.

But, I was sure of one thing: I was smart and I could be an academic star.

Up until that point, I had been doing extremely well in my home education and I was told by assessors that I was quite bright.

Then, when I got into the school, I learned three things very quickly:

  1. Everyone there had tons more academic experience than me, so I wasn’t as smart as I thought I was
  2. I would have to try really hard to get good grades on my GCSEs
  3. Being seen to try hard by other kids got you labelled as a “try-hard” and that was not a good thing

On top of that, I was starting to discover what my “place” was in the world.

I was a poor mixed-race boy from a family of Caribbean immigrants and I couldn’t speak to girls or make friends.

I battled loneliness, rejection and social exclusion every single day.

And the worst part was that I believed that I deserved it because I still believed that I was truly worthless.

My experience was starting to prove me right.

What We Learn In School

Guide To Healthy Self-Esteem - What We Learn In SchoolGuide To Healthy Self-Esteem - What We Learn In School

In early childhood, our parents can heavily define who we are as people.

During our teenage years, it’s our teachers and our peers.

Every self-esteem experience that we go through gets sorted into one of two boxes:

I have worth or I have no worth.

Eventually, one of those boxes gets filled up and that’s the one that we carry around as our identity.

It defines who we are for years – sometimes our entire lifetime.

But don’t worry, we’ll get around to beating low self-esteem very shortly.

Before we do that, we’ve got a few other smaller causes to look at.

Shame and Self-Esteem

So, the first two causes were all about our early experiences – though they can happen in later life too.

The next three causes can happen at any time in our lives.

The first cause is a feeling of shame.

Shame Negatively Affects Self-EsteemShame Negatively Affects Self-Esteem

Feelings of shame have been implicated as a pretty big factor in causing low self-esteem.

Shame makes us feel small. We want to shrink down and fall into a crack in the floor, terrified that someone will shine a spotlight on us.

Shame makes us look inside ourselves. You can easily start to view your whole self negatively and this can lead to reinforcing the belief that “I am not good enough”.

For me, I was ashamed through school, most of college and into university.

I was ashamed because everything I knew about how the world works was totally wrong.

I felt shame because of rejection by peers and romantic interests.

My body, my life, my dreams and everything else became infected with shame and it led me to some pretty dark places in my mind.

Shame can very easily lead to low self-esteem. And, as we’ve already discovered, low self-esteem can lead to depression, anxiety and worse.

Social Media

Social Media ImpactsSocial Media Impacts

Firstly, let me just say that I’m not here to rag on social media.

Social media technology has been one of the most important advances of the last two decades.

Thanks to companies like Facebook, Twitter and others, we’re more connected than ever.

As of 2019, the average person spends almost 2.5 hours on social media and this is increasing every year.

Is this a bad thing?

Not at all.

In fact, it’s truly amazing that we are more connected than at any other time in history.

Plus, despite what critics say, social media is breaking down cultural, societal and political walls! Exposure to new ideas and individual differences is making the world a better and more equal place and who doesn’t want that?

But, that’s not to say that there aren’t problems.

With the rise of Photoshop, filters and outright dishonesty online, self-esteem can be very negatively affected by comparison to unrealistic expectations on social media.

Photoshopped Instagram models (male and female), celebs flaunting perfect lives, the armies of “Wantrepreneurs” and straight-up liars can make the Internet a very unhealthy place for developing self-esteem.

Studies have shown that comparing yourself to people you view as superior in some way can harm self-esteem.

For me, once I started to really discover what was on the Internet and social media, I was able to see what I was “missing out” on – holidays, money, girls and amazing experiences.

Growing up in a household that struggled financially, I found the inequality of it all too much to bear.

I quickly became ashamed of my life – compared to everyone else’s – and my self-esteem took another nosedive.

Is it all social media’s fault?

No.

But, it is something we should all be more aware of.

Body Image and Self-Esteem

The final cause of low self-esteem that I want to explore is body image.

Your body image is based on your thoughts and feelings about the way your body looks. It’s also based on what you believe others are thinking (or judging) about your appearance.

Body ImageBody Image

Put simply, if you don’t like your body, then you can’t like your whole self. If you can’t like your whole self, then you don’t have a healthy level of self-esteem.

Now, it’s absolutely normal to have negative thoughts about yourself and your body. In moderation, it can drive you to get fit, lose weight or achieve other related goals such as running a marathon.

A healthy body image means that you truly accept and like the way that you look right now. It means that you’re not trying to change your body to fit the way you think you should look.

Rather, you should strive to look however you want, as long as you are happy and healthy.

Social media comparison can sometimes pressure us to want to change our bodies and image to suit others.

But, at the end of the day, if you’re happy in your own body, then who cares what anyone else thinks, right?

Final Thoughts On The Causes of Low Self-Esteem

If you’re suffering from low self-esteem, then the cause might not matter nearly as much as what you can do about it.

But, sometimes it can be useful to explore those causes – especially with a trained therapist or counsellor.

Whatever might have caused low self-esteem in your life, let’s get to work on how you can beat it and become the person you’ve always wanted to.

But, before we do that, there’s just one more thing we have to go through.

Part 3: Common Pitfalls When Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Guide to Healthy Self Esteem Part 3Guide to Healthy Self Esteem Part 3

I’ve already shared in this post how high self-esteem can easily lead to narcissism.

When I started working on myself, I thought high self-esteem was the answer.

I quickly found myself in several sticky situations where I realised that by focusing on high self-esteem over healthy self-esteem, I was only swapping out one bad mindset for another.

So, before we get into the steps on improving your self-esteem, here are some common pitfalls you should try to avoid at all costs.

1: Overcompensation

Remember when I said that when I got to school, I found out I was actually behind the other students?

I had thought I was in pretty good academic shape, but then I discovered I was a little less than average.

Well, that only got worse when I got to university.

Suddenly, I was surrounded by people who were much brighter than me. Worse still, many were more hard working.

It was around that time that I started working on my self-esteem, but I was struggling with not being as smart as I thought I was.

So, I overcompensated.

I always tried to portray myself as the smartest guy in the room.

Thinking back, it was quite cringeworthy.

It also didn’t work.

Because I knew I was overcompensating, I felt like I could be found out at any time.

I wasn’t helping myself by faking it. I was only making things worse.

When people try to compensate for a lack of self-esteem by insisting they are “the best” at everything, it’s not positive affirmation or reinforcement.

It’s low-grade narcissism disguised as positive thinking.

This mask is easily seen through and ultimately will not help you to achieve your goal of healthy self-esteem.

Beware overcompensation!

2: Arrogance

Believe it or not, this is something that you’ll see a lot in the self-improvement community.

You’ll often see people looking down on others for not being “woke” enough to change their lives.

My best guess would be that by inflating one’s own ego, it makes it easier to feel better about what life is really like.

How would I know that?

Because I fell into this trap too.

I thought I was improving my self-esteem.

In reality, I was just comparing myself to people who were worse off than me. I was trying to make myself feel good because I was into “self-improvement”, unlike the apparently “unenlightened” masses.

Yes, that’s what I used to think.

No, I’m not proud of it.

Yes, I would kick my old self in the crotch if I could.

For what it’s worth, that approach didn’t help me at all. Nor did it win me any friends.

It turns out, arrogance is an extremely unattractive character trait.

3: Perfectionism

At one point, I thought that being perfect would be the key to gaining more self-esteem.

I had completely forgotten that having to be perfect all the time was what had gotten me into the mess I was already in.

Nevertheless, I focused on being perfect.

The only problem was that I was overanalysing everything to death. In fact, I analysed everything so much that I never actually took any action.

No action = no results.

Perfectionists often tend to be the people with the lowest self-esteem.

Don’t fall into the perfectionism trap.

4: People Pleasing

People-pleasing is simply trying to gain self-esteem through the praise and approval of others.

The thought pattern is, “If I can’t make myself feel great, I’ll just have to find my sense of approval elsewhere.”

In my people-pleasing phase, I became very needy.

Though wanting to make other people happy sounds noble, when you’re just doing it to feel good about yourself, it’s much less so.

The main problem with being a people-pleaser – besides the fact that it must be really annoying for other people – is that you will only become as good as your last people-pleasing manoeuvre.

You can’t make people happy all the time.

Eventually, you’ll just end up making yourself miserable and that will just leave you feeling even worse about yourself.

5: Attention-Seeking

Of all the things I wish I could take back in my life, my attention-seeking phase is in my top 5.

I went to great lengths to make sure that people paid attention to me.

I would tell off-colour jokes, dress outlandishly and do stupid things, just so that people would see me.

Eventually though, people started to get tired of my act.

Because I took nothing seriously and made everything about me, I alienated a lot of people in my life.

It turns out, there is a line that can be crossed with attention-seeking and we should all be careful not to cross it.

It’s OK to be the centre of attention – when it happens naturally – but constantly striving to be there, no matter what, will only make you miserable in the long run.

Final Thoughts On Self-Esteem Pitfalls

There is no substitute for hard work and wanting to improve your self-esteem is very hard work.

It doesn’t come from being “better” than others. Nor does it come from arrogance, perfectionism or people-pleasing.

It comes from being honest with yourself and learning how to be a little bit better every single day.

Of the five pitfalls we’ve just gone through together, I fell into all of them and it wasn’t pretty.

I want you to avoid them at all costs and just focus on becoming the best version of you.

So, with that said, let’s get into the actual steps you can take to improve your self-esteem!

Part 4: How To Overcome Low Self-Esteem

Guide to Healthy Self Esteem Part 4Guide to Healthy Self Esteem Part 4

So, can anyone overcome low self-esteem?

The easy answer is yes.

The harder part is that it entirely depends on if you’re willing to put the work in.

It took me a long time to overcome my low self-esteem and become the person I am today. I made a lot of mistakes and missteps. I fell back into old habits more often than I can count.

But, I was trying to figure out everything for myself.

I didn’t have anyone to help me.

Once I did, my progress skyrocketed forwards and I’ve been on the upswing ever since.

Hopefully, by reading this and taking action, you’ll find yourself in a place of healthy self-esteem much faster than I did.

Remember, the key to overcoming low self-esteem is discovering that you are good enough just as you are.

Commit To Unconditional Living

When you suffer from low self-esteem, your worth often becomes conditional.

I only felt loved, happy or successful when certain conditions were fulfilled – mainly dependent on other people’s praise.

If you want to beat low self-esteem, then respect, worth, positive regard and love must become unconditional for you.

No matter what, you have to learn not to put conditions on yourself such as…

  • “I’ll feel loved when I achieve (insert achievement).”
  • “I’ll feel happy when Person X says Y.”
  • “I will know I have worth when Condition Z is satisfied.”

To achieve healthy self-esteem, you have to learn to believe that you are worth it. You have to learn self-love, self-respect and positive regard.

Remember, low self-esteem is a learned pattern of thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

That means that it can be unlearned and something new brought in its place.

Remember also that self-compassion is going to be key here.

There might be some days when you slip back into old habits and that’s OK. You must not berate yourself or put yourself down – that will just make things worse.

Accept that you’re going to make lots of mistakes and start to treat yourself like your own best friend.

Give yourself as much love and support as you can and you’ll quickly find your self-worth.

Parents, teachers, partners, etc. don’t define who you are any more.

You can choose what you want to feel about yourself now.

You can make that decision.

The Benefits of Therapy

The Benefits of TherapyThe Benefits of Therapy

One of my biggest turning points was finding a therapist who helped to guide me through my troubles.

I can’t honestly say where I would be right now if it wasn’t for her.

Therapy is one of the best investments you can make in your life if you choose the right therapist or counsellor for you.

I highly recommend it for anyone.

It’s OK to ask for help.

Remember, that’s one of the character traits of a person with healthy self-esteem. They’re not afraid to ask for help and neither should you be.

In all honesty, I didn’t think therapy would work at first. You might think the same thing.

But, after a half-dozen sessions, when we had built rapport and started talking about the deeper issues, I found her counsel to be extremely effective.

I was sceptical, but therapy really paid off for me.

So, if you need some extra help, there’s no shame in asking for it.

The Importance of Self-Love

Any kind of change work comes from a place of self-love.

You have to love yourself enough to want to make your life better.

Deep down, everyone loves themselves.

Maybe not in every way, but enough to make a difference.

I want to give you an exercise that you can keep so that whenever you think that there is no love left within you for yourself, you can remember that there is always a little more.

Exercise: Block out an hour and write down 100 things that you love about yourself. If you get stuck, start thinking about yourself as if you were your own best friend – if you were outside looking in, what would you love about that person?

I’ve done this exercise before and it’s not as easy as it seems.

After about 50 things on the list, you have to really force yourself to get creative and think deeply.

Give it a go, you might find out that you love yourself a lot more than you thought.

7 Simple Steps For Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

So, we already know that low self-esteem is a core belief about us being unworthy – “I am not good enough.”

Since it’s a core belief, it’s not so easy to attack straightaway.

Have you ever tried convincing someone who deeply believes something to change their mind?

My Dad used to tell me, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”

You won’t be able to take out a core belief without a lot of work.

So, how do we overcome that limiting belief?

Well, every core belief is made up of smaller beliefs backed by evidence.

For example, a core belief such as “I am a good parent” comes from a lot of smaller beliefs such as “I always look out for my kids” or “I want what’s best for my kids”. These smaller beliefs have experience-based evidence attached to them.

These smaller beliefs are like support columns for a building.

You take out the support columns and the building will collapse.

So, we’re going to identify your limiting beliefs – which would be any belief that supports the core belief that you are not “good enough”.

By doing that, we’ll take away support until the old core belief collapses.

In the meantime, we’re going to give you some new beliefs to work with to support your new, healthy self-esteem.

Are you ready?

Let’s get started.

Step 1) Discover Your Obstacles

Remember, according to Maslow, we cannot become all that we want to be until we have self-esteem and we can’t have self-esteem if we have limiting beliefs about ourselves, other people or the world.

A person with healthy self-esteem takes responsibility for their life, thoughts, behaviours, etc.

To find out what your limiting beliefs are, we first find our goals (what we want in life) and then ask what’s stopping us.

When we know the obstacles in the way of us becoming all that we want to be, then we can push a little deeper.

Get some paper (or use a word processor) and divide it into two columns.

On one column is the goal, on the other is all the things that are stopping you from achieving that goal.

Get as many as possible.

Step 2) Identify Your Limiting Beliefs

From the list, you will be able to identify the two types of obstacles – the genuinely impossible and the limiting belief.

Impossibility Example:

I want to become a professional jockey > but I can’t because I’m six feet tall and weigh 210lbs.

Limiting Belief Example:

I want to become a successful businessperson > but I can’t because nobody would want to buy anything from me.

Make a complete list of all your limiting beliefs, discarding the impossibilities. 

Step 3) Ask Yourself The “One Thing” Question

Now, we have to order them from most limiting to least.

From your complete list, ask yourself this question:

“Which belief, if I changed it for the better, would have the most positive impact on my life?”

When you have found that belief, mark it as 1.

For now, we’ll just pretend that that problem doesn’t exist anymore.

Now, continue through the list, asking the same question. When you’ve identified the next most important belief, mark it as 2.

Continue until you have ranked all of them.

Now, you have the choice: you can tackle the limiting beliefs either from least to most impactful or vice versa.

Step 4) Propose A New Belief

Choose which belief you want to tackle first.

Next, decide what you want your new belief to be. It should generally be positive, but also realistic.

Example:

Old Belief: My opinion at work is useless and no one cares. 

New Belief: My opinion at work matters just as much as everyone else, even if it is a bad idea.

Remember, we don’t want to get into any of the pitfalls from earlier.

Write out your new belief.

Step 5) Embrace The Possibility of Change

Ask yourself: “How would my life be different if this belief were true? What would it look like, sound like and feel like?”

Paint a detailed picture for yourself in your mind.

This will help you to embrace the possibility that this belief could be true.

Step 6) Test Your New Belief

Now, go out and test this belief.

Find a way to expose yourself to whatever the situation is – in a controlled, safe way – and then start experimenting.

Example:

If you think your opinion at work is worthless, try sharing it with a colleague you trust. Then, try it with someone you don’t really know as well. Keep working on it until you feel comfortable sharing your opinion and thoughts – in a constructive way – to your colleagues, managers, etc. 

It will help if you keep a journal of your personal discoveries as you’re going along. This will also act as an evidence log for your new belief.

Step 7) Repeat

Remember, Healthy Self Esteem is all about beliefs.

When we stop working on ourselves, we open the door for limiting, damaging beliefs to return, so always be moving forward.

But, if you keep moving forward, installing new positive beliefs about yourself and getting rid of old, limiting ones, soon you’ll have no choice but to believe that you are a person worthy of love, success, happiness, respect and everything great in life.

Habits for Healthy Self-Esteem

By following the steps above, you’ll soon be able to bring about new, positive beliefs in your life.

Along with those beliefs, you can start to learn new habits too.

I want to share with you a few healthy habits that you can use to improve your self-esteem and your life in general.

Healthy HabitsHealthy Habits

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Journaling:

By keeping a regular journal – especially at the beginning of your journey – you allow yourself to open up.

You can get in touch with your honest, genuine thoughts about yourself. Better still, you can get all of that inner dialogue out of your head and into the open where you can deal with it.

Regular Exercise:

Don’t worry, I’m not asking you to take up CrossFit or anything like that.

Even simple, regular exercise such as going for a walk, a hike or a gentle workout can work wonders.

Regularly working out shows that you are capable of change. It’s also an amazing, natural way to reduce stress in your life.

Healthy Eating:

One of the greatest forms of self-love is feeding your body the things that make you feel great.

You don’t have to swear off chocolate and live off of avocados for the rest of your life, but by making more healthy food choices, you are expressing self-love in a very simple way every day.

Mindfulness:

Take time every day to just sit in the present.

Whether it’s taking a minute to really taste your food, smell the flowers or listen to the birds, taking time for daily mindfulness can reduce stress and anxiety in your life.

You don’t even need a formal meditation practice.

Just a few minutes a day to get in touch with the present with a few deep breaths and mindful awareness.

Final Thoughts

Today, I am happier and more confident than I have ever been in my life – and it’s only getting better!

I’ve gone from feeling totally worthless, to delivering hundreds of training sessions, coaching and mentoring others and creating content aimed at changing lives.

My story and my life continues to improve because of the work I put in and continue to put in.

I’m not saying this to brag about how great I am, because I still make mistakes and I’m certainly not perfect.

Rather, what I’m saying is that if I can go from total self-loathing to daily self-respect and self-love, then you can do it as well.

No matter what your circumstances are, you have the power to change your life. 

Want more? Coaching is one of the best ways to fast-track yourself to confidence. So, if you’re interested in being coached, make sure you check out my Confidence Coaching page to arrange a FREE session to discover if Confidence Coaching is for you.

I wish you the best of luck and I look forward to hearing your story of success one day very soon.


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healthy self esteem, self-esteem, ultimate guide


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