Faking confidence is probably one of the most effective ways of making sure that you won’t become confident in life.
Now, I know what you might be thinking:
“Whoa there, Ben! That’s a pretty bold blanket statement to be making!”
And, you’re absolutely right.
Now, to be clear, I think there are times in life when you are going to have to fake it ‘til you make it.
That’s just a fact.
What I’m talking about is using the “fake it ‘til you make it” philosophy as your only strategy towards building confidence.
So, in this blog post, I’m going to be sharing four reasons why faking confidence is hurting your progress towards becoming confident.
And then I’m going to share with you 4 things that you can start doing instead to build true self-confidence in your life.
(Also, if you prefer to take this content in video form, then you can check out my YouTube video below on the subject.”
4 Ways That Faking Confidence Is Killing Your Confidence
1# It’s A Bad Teacher
Confidence – like any other skill – is something that can be learned, practised and developed over time.
Unfortunately, when we’re faking our confidence, we’re not actually training ourselves in confidence.
We’re just teaching ourselves how to act better.
It’s not true confidence. Rather, it’s just a character that we can put on to varying degrees of success.
So, whilst false confidence can sometimes make you look the part, it’s not training you in the right skills to actually become confident.
2# Faking Confidence Reinforces The Wrong Message
People with true inner confidence don’t have to fake it – obviously.
They carry on living normal lives of quiet (or extroverted) confidence and, because of that, their unconscious is constantly being reinforced that they are confident.
So, if you’re a confident person, then confidence gets reinforced in your unconscious mind.
But, if you’re faking your confidence, what message is being reinforced then?
“I’m not confident and this is all an act.”
This is going to create a very negative internal environment for creating true, inner confidence in your life.
3# No Ownership of Confidence
Confidence looks and feels different to everyone.
Some people are quietly confident and some are boisterous extroverts.
But, we’re constantly being fed an idea of what confidence is supposed to be through social media, TV and movies.
We’re constantly being shown that celebs, stars and other assorted famous people are the pinnacle of confidence.
So, when it comes to faking our own confidence, who we gonna call?
That’s right! We try and steal the swagger of Brad Pitt, the elegance of Angelina Jolie or the deep philosophical and intellectual stature of Cardi B.
We’re not actually learning about what confidence means for us.
Instead, we’re just mirroring stereotypes of confidence that are most likely also acts.
There’s no ownership of what confidence means for you as a person.
4# Faking Confidence Is Very Transparent
Having spent a while working in recruitment, I can say with 100% certainty that faking confidence is really, really easily seen through.
Most of the time it looks, feels and sounds unnatural.
Because faking confidence is a conscious effort, there’s always a delay or a distinct lack of smoothness in someone who’s faking it.
Someone who is actually confident doesn’t have to think about what a confident person would say. Instead, they just jump right into it.
But faking confidence takes a lot of effort and, because of that, people can see through it pretty easily.
Especially when it’s taken too far and starts to venture into falsa bravado, exaggeration or a little hint of narcissism.
Most people will see through false confidence and, after that, you’ll have a hard time convincing them to trust you – especially in settings such as dates or interviews.
So, enough about all the ways that faking it can screw your chances of real confidence.
Let’s jump into some of the ways that you can start to develop real confidence in your life.
4 Effective Alternatives To Faking Confidence That Actually Work
1# Learn To Accept Yourself For Who You Are
I believe that the first step to true confidence is accepting who and what you are.
In this case, it means accepting that you’re not as confident as you want to be. And it also means that you have to learn to be OK with that.
Because if you keep beating yourself up over not being “good enough” or “confident enough”, then confidence is always going to be lacking.
So, you have to learn how to be OK with the fact that you are who you are right now.
Unfortunately, this isn’t something that can be solved by reading a quick blog post.
You’ll have to work on this for yourself.
But, if you can accept yourself for who you are right now, then you will be able to move forward with developing confidence much, much easier.
2# Start Practising Confident Behaviours
Now, there’s a big difference between faking confidence and practising confidence.
The key difference with practising confidence is that – because you’ve accepted yourself – you accept that you’re going to make mistakes.
It’s by accepting these mistakes that you can truly learn from them.
The more mistakes you make, the faster you’re going to learn – that’s why I say that accepting yourself is the best thing to learn first.
Now, when it comes to practising confident behaviours, you get to decide what true confidence looks like for you – not what others think it should be.
It might be:
- Making better eye contact
- Speaking your mind
- Being open with your emotions
Whatever it is, start practising and, over time, I promise you’ll get better at whatever confidence looks like for you.
The more you practise, the more natural it becomes until, eventually, you will be as confident as you’ve always wanted to be.
3# Don’t Expect To Be Perfect
As I’ve already said, you’re going to make mistakes.
In fact, you’re probably going to make a lot of mistakes.
Now, if you’re like me from a few years ago, that’s going to start filling your mind up with anxiety.
But, remember what Step 1 was: learning to accept yourself.
And learning how to accept yourself means learning how to accept your mistakes – past, present and future.
Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, take the wrong actions or say the wrong things.
No matter how much you might want the ground to swallow you up in the moment, I promise that you’ll be able to move past any embarrassment or temporary anxiety with time.
In fact, these things will make you even stronger and more confident.
And when you can start learning to laugh at your mistakes – because they’re really no big deal – then you’ll be well on your way to truly accepting yourself and living with confidence.
4# Self-Compassion and Self-Love
I cannot overstate the importance of having self-love and self-compassion in your life.
All these steps tie together and having love and compassion for yourself is the binding force.
It’s easy to beat yourself up when bad things happen or when mistakes are made.
But I would encourage you to start treating yourself like you would treat your best friend.
That is self-compassion and self-love.
By learning how to cultivate love for yourself, confidence will come even easier.
Because, at the point, it doesn’t matter what other people think of you or what they say.
You love yourself for who you are, you can forgive yourself for mistakes and you can take the actions that are right for you.
Whenever you start to beat yourself up, ask yourself, “Is this how I would treat my best friend or a member of my family?”.
If the answer is “no”, then you have the opportunity to change that right there and then.
So, learn to develop self-compassion and self-love.
I guarantee it will change your life.
So, I hope you enjoyed this quick dive into faking confidence and the “fake it ‘til you make it” philosophy.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. I will always do my best to answer every single one.
Also, if you’re interested in receiving coaching to start creating more confidence in your life, then make sure you check out the Confidence Coaching page to get in contact.
Or, you can always contact me on the LTUK Facebook page.
Once again, though, I hope you found this article useful and I look forward to having you back on Life Transformation UK very soon!